" Thou comest to me with a sword and a spear and a shield, but I come to thee in the name of the L-rd of Hosts, the G-d of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast humiliated..." (I Samuel, 17:45-47)

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Top Ten Signs That You Are An "Orthodox Jewish Feminist"-Part 2!

"If you don't let me do Hagbah, I'll crush your beitzim!"
You know you've been asking the question for a long time now. When will "The Jewish Fist" come out with part 2 of that Ortho-Feminist post that he promised? I will not torture you any longer. Here it is.

Top 10 Signs That You Are An "Orthodox Jewish Feminist"-Part 2!
  1. You believe that Queen Esther was a subjugated Bais Yankef girl who lacked the courage to stand up to that chareidi Mordechai. You revere Queen Vashti as the leader of the five imahot (biblical matriarchs).
  2. Role Model: Lilith- the she-demon of pagan "Jewish" folklore, since she has the capacity to hurt men.
  3. As a lifetime member and chairperson, you have the complete set of JOFA (Jewish Orthodox Feminists Alliance) "Limited Edition" tote bags, along with accompanying nutcrackers.
  4. Committed to gaining "equality" by any means necessary
  5. You use a lift-and-cut norelco to clean above your upper lip. But never during sefirah.
  6. You once punched out a gabai when he laughed and refused your offer to do hagbah.
  7. You have a pair of foreskin winter gloves.
  8. Currently studying for semicha. Construction foreman by day.
  9. Waiting anxiously for techiyat hameitim so you can have a word with the chauvinistic Rabbis of the Talmud.
  10. Facebook password-Very well encrypted: BRURYAHLilithVashtimullet79all men must pay


  1. Isn't that Justice Kagan? She's orthodox?

  2. Is Elizabeth Cady Stanton? ;)
    I found this wiki piece. Can't account for its veracity. Surprise, surprise.



What do you think? I'm interested in your comments.